Season 1 Audio
The First Time
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Amanda:Excuse me! Lee:Just walk with me. Amanda: I certainly will not. Lee:Please, I’m in trouble. Amanda:No, I’ve got to go. Lee:Wait. Just one more thing. Please. Amanda: No. Lee:I’m in trouble. Please? Please? Amanda: What is it you want me to do? |
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Amanda: I don’t want to buy a ticket. Do you know what I have on under this coat? A nightgown! |
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Lee: I wish you wouldn’t look at me when you say weak link. |
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Amanda: Mother, all I did was comb my hair and put on a little makeup. Jamie: Usually your hair is sort of frazzled. Amanda: Usually I’m sort of frazzled, sweetheart. |
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Amanda: So you’re a spy? Lee: Actually we don’t say spy. Amanda: I thought you were a gangster. |
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Lee: You knew I wanted the package, why didn’t you bring it with you? Amanda: Insurance. I figured if you were a gangster you couldn’t kill me if you needed me to get to it. Lee: That’s how your mind works? Most people would be happy to get rid of something like that. Amanda: Most people wouldn’t have taken the thing in the first place. Most people wouldn’t have called you up, or met you at some dumb party. A party for which I was hideously underdressed. Oh would you mind not yelling at me. Where are we? |
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Lee: I was working Billy. Billy: In a tuxedo!? |
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Amanda: Well, we couldn’t exactly meet in the grocery store could we? Anyway, isn’t this where you guys meet? Amongst sort of isolated places, kind of creepy and stuff? Lee: Yeah, only when we wear trench coats. |
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Dotty: Clams again dear? |
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Amanda: So no Mrs. Spy, little spies? No girlfriends, no buddies? Lee” Look, you’ve heard the word loner. |
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Lee: You were not a partner. You were an emergency. |
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Amanda: So if I work here does that mean I work with you? I mean that’s what you do isn’t it, you have partners? You know I might need some special training. I’m not sure I have the right skills. I mean, I type I don’t shoot, you know? But I do love this area. Oh I’m crazy about it. All of the fresh vegetables come in here, and besides that the boy’s dentist is right around the block. So what I could do is I could drop them off at the dentist, then I could go into spy headquarters and pick up a fresh melon all at the same time. Do you have a good vegetable man? |
There Goes the Neighborhood
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Francine: Children. This case is nastier than I thought. |
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Lee: Bumpy? Francine: To his more intimate friends. Lee: I’ll never know what you see in that guy. He’s hardly your type. Francine: He’s got money, looks, power, a house in Rio. He is exactly my type. |
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Amanda: Don’t you people ever use real doors? But what I really want to know is where do you hang your coat? |
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Lee: I’m sure you’d be happier in some air conditioned office than casing out some dive with me. Amanda: No doubt. As far as I can see espionage is highly overrated. They don’t even pay overtime. |
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Lee: There you are you sly boots. I thought it was agreed babycakes - no job until the triplets are in nursery school. Amanda: What are you talking about? Lee: You know the little woman is so gosh darn eager to earn some pin money. But I told her the first four years of a child’s life are more important than a new roof. Now come on pookie face it’s 2 o’clock feeding time. Amanda: I swear I don’t know… Lee: Now Timmy Tammy and Tommy are very hungry. |
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Amanda: What the sam hill do you think you are doing? First you cannot get rid of me fast enough. Then you barge in and drag me out of an interview for a perfectly good job, you say you are my husband, a lie which I DO not find funny, and where do you think you are taking me? Lee: We’re getting married. Amanda: That’s asking too much. Lee: Ah ah ah ah. I’ve got an assignment to last the next 3 days. You’re going to pose as my wife. |
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Amanda: You tell my boyfriend your darkest moments? |
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Dotty: I know. It’s terrifying how fast they drift away. I mean one minute you’re changing diapers and the next minute they are off in honduras getting tatoos. |
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Amanda: How come I look so messy and you look so good? |
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Amanda: I need two more strawberry daqueris. Go easy on the rum. Lee: Where does it say in my contract that I have to make Daqueri’s? I hate this assignment. I want a divorce. |
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Lee: Why did you hang new curtains in the kitchen? Amanda: Well because the old ones didn’t go with the rug I got for the breakfast nook, and I like my kitchen to be cheery. Lee: But Amanda this isn’t your kitchen. It’s not for real. Amanda: Well I know. But you know people will come in and out of here and it reflects the kind of people we are and it’s just the way you do a kitchen. Lee: No, no, no. How you do a kitchen is you hire a guy with a French name, tell him how much you want to spend and then go skiing till it’s over. |
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Amanda: You know. That’s your whole problem. You’re out of touch. Lee: Out of touch with what? Amanda: The way normal people do things. Lee: I’m normal. Amanda: Oh sure. You think sunbathing in Borneo is normal. You know most people just want to get through a day with healthy kids, friends they can count on, a regular job, and a roof over their heads. Lee: Fine. That normal I’m not. |
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Lee: You know what just happened? Amanda: What? Lee: We just had our first fight. As man and wife that is. Amanda: Yeah. Right here in our cheery kitchen. Lee: Well I guess I’ll see you later. Amanda: Yep. Okay. Have a good… Lee: Yeah you too… you know something? Amanda: What? Lee: I like blue a lot better. |
If Thoughts Could Kill
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Lee: Could you give me something for the pain huh? Nurse: You don’t want to mask the symptoms do you? Lee: Yes I want to mask them. |
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Lee: My knee still hurts. Nurse: Some people don’t have knees. |
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Amanda: Now where were we? Dotty: You suggested that we deal with this head on and we have. We see now that Fred never would have tripped over the skateboard if it hadn’t been left out. And it never would have been left out if it hadn’t been fixed. And it wouldn’t have been fixed if Dean hadn’t been sitting here with time on his hands. And Dean wouldn’t have been sitting here with time on his hands if you hadn’t worked so late. Amanda: But, but, but mother… Dotty: I am so glad we talked this out. The problem wasn’t with us at all. Amanda: Oh now, wait just a minute… Dotty: I think enough has been said missy, don’t you? |
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Lee: No, no when I was born the nurses almost lost me. Amanda: Oh they did not. Lee: No. They did too! Amanda: No they didn’t. Lee: I went in to have my tonsils out and they took my appendix out too. Amanda: Why would they take your appendix out? Lee: The doctor said he had some time on his hands. Amanda: Oh sure. |
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Nurse: Hah! Go fish! |
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Amanda: Lee. I think you should get some sleep. That’s one of the reasons you’re here you know, to get some sleep. Lee: It’s the sleep that’s wearing me out. Still having these weird dreams, and I wake up more wasted than before I slept. Amanda: What kind of dreams? Lee: Maybe not exactly dreams. More a feeling. A sinking feeling. Amanda: Sinking feeling? Lee: And noises. Squeaks. Thumps. Maybe it’s a jungle. It’s hot. Steamy. Amanda: Probably sexual. Freud would say. |
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Lester: What a guy. Keep up the good work. Details are important. Success comes one step at a time. |
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Nurse #2: What happened to your wrist? Amanda: Oh well. I went to my self defense course last night and my teacher, his name is JoJo they call him Mad Dog Gerrity, anyway he said to come at him with everything that I had. So I swung my purse and I hit him and I forgot that I had this little tiny doorknob in there. Nurse #2: But what happened to your wrist? Amanda: He bit me. |
The Magic Bus
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Amanda: Hello sir. I’m sorry to interupt, but I was wondering if I could go. You see my younger son, you know Jamie the little one, he’s out in the car with a bunch of fish and the last bunch died. And well, you know, it’s very hot out there and I’d like to get him home, because if this bunch dies too. Well, gee I don’t know how I would face him. |
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Dotty: Amanda, I’d like to ask you something. Something that a mother should know. Amanda: Shoot. Dotty: Are you having an affair? Amanda: Oooh. What? Dotty: Other than the one with Dean? Amanda: Mother. Dotty: You’re just so preoccupied lately. You vanished this morning with scarecly a word. You’re gone so much at such late hours. Amanda: Mother! Dotty: When was the last time you saw Johnny Carson? Amanda: Mother I don’t know. Dotty: Amanda, look. This is your house you can do exactly as you please. I am just concerned about your future. Dean is in love with you. He loves Jamie, he loves Philip, he has a good job with the weather bureau. Amanda: I know all that mother, believe me. And Dean is the only man in my life I promise. Dotty: I am awfully glad to hear that. You know I understand temptation. I mean when I lived in Topeka there was a vacuume salesman with the longest eyelashes… |
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Amanda: The Weasel faced man! Are we going to smoke him out? |
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Amanda: I’ve never seen your legs before. Lee: So what do you think? Amanda: Not bad. |
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Lee: Would you mind telling me why you are so damned determined to stay on this case? I am just curious. Amanda: Once I start something I like to finish it. Besides I felt it was my patriotic duty. Lee: Oh, patriotic duty. Why can’t you admit you just get a kick out of all this? Why can’t you admit that you think this is exciting stuff. I don’t understand you. Amanda: Ohhh. I don’t know why you don’t. You know 10,000 things about me, you put it through your computer 15 million times. You know I don’t understand you. I know nothing about you at all. Lee: Well there’s nothing to know. Amanda: Oh come on you must have had a really interesting life. |
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Lee: Alright what is it you want to know? Amanda: Well, why is your codename scarecrow? Lee: It’s very personal. Amanda: Oh terrific. Lee: Look I’m sorry. You just happened to ask the one thing that’s very personal. Amanda: Okay alright. Have you ever been married, have you ever had kids? Lee: This weekend has been so frustrating… Amanda: Changes the subject… Lee: I mean just get these people talking you know that they are just crazy enough to have the vigilant, but they stop before they say anything that will stick. Amanda: This will stick. Lee: Huh? Amanda: The weasel faced man. |
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Francine: Hey everybody is talking about your great driving in that bus. Did you know those jeeps really had a hard time keeping up. Lee: Yeah well I wasn’t driving. It was Amanda here. Francine: How ever did you manage? Amanda: Oh I’ve had plenty of practice. I once drove the boys into NY city on Thanksgiving Day for Macy’s Parade. |
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Lee: Look they’ll be giving you a ride home. I guess I’ll be seeing you. Maybe. But then again maybe I won’t. You know. Amanda: Yeah. Well just in case you don’t, do you think maybe you could say something nice about my work? I mean afterall I think I did contribute something. Lee: Okay. Your work was not bad. Amanda: Not bad? Lee: Yeah not bad. Amanda: Not bad. Lee: Well you think my legs are just okay. I think your work was just not bad. Amanda: That is so petty. Lee: Care to change your opinion? |
The ACM Kid
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Lee: I’ve got a real problem here. I’ve got this kid that wont talk to me. Amanda: By kid do you mean one of those girls you date? |
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Lee: Because I think I can help you, because this is what I get paid for, because… Alexi: What? Lee: Because I’m bigger than you and I say so. |
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Amanda: 6 frozen pizzas and a pound of brownies. Is that all you got? Alexi: We must have left the beer in the car. Thanks for reminding me. |
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Lee: Yes Amanda. Danger. Excitement. Intrigue. Amanda: Oh shut up. |
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Lee: You know Amanda she has motherhood carved on her bones. She’s having the time of her life. |
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Amanda: And frankly Ricky Joe sex with you was always a major disapointment. |
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Amanda: You know it looks like you are sort of um, spoiling the kid rotten or either you’re trying to buy his affections. You know you can deffinitely buy mine with this guy. This guy is gorgeous. I love… Lee: He might like it. *laugh* (I love this laugh! Had to keep it in the sound byte!) |
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Francine: You know I love my work too but you wont catch me letting thugs pound on my body. Lee: Fine. You wouldn’t catch me in a hotel room with a Turkish gun runner. Francine: I did not go to a hotel room. It was a suite. |
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Amanda: Look Alexi. This is Lee Stetson. He is one of the top agents in the country. Now will you just untie us? He will rescue your parents and he will stop these people. Trust me. Alexi: If he’s so hot, what’s he doing tied up in a closet? Amanda: Perfectly good question. |
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Lee: Grab the other loose end with your teeth. Amanda: Okay. Lee: Now hold tight while I work on the knot. Amanda: Don’t bite me. Don’t bite me. Lee: Just hold still. Amanda: Alright. |
Always Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth
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Francine: I could have married royalty. You know a Prince actually proposed to me once. Billy: Why didn’t you accept? Francine: Country was too small. |
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Amanda: Well I want you to know how proud I am to work for the Agency. I think that out of my entire graduating class I am the only one of use to go on and become a spy. Of course I suppose if there were any others I wouldn’t know about it, but… |
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Amanda: I’m not sure if you realize it but sometimes these cases that I am sent on, well they get a little dangerous. And, well I was just wondering, shouldn’t I know how to hit? |
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Lee: It’s great that you don’t know anything. The enemy could torture you for weeks and not get a thing. |
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Francine: I want some appreciation. I spent the entire evening with an IRS man. Lee: Oh come on Francine do you have to give me all of the gorey details about how you got the information? Francine: Yes I do. First of all we went to a tiny little restaurant, with imitation wood tables and no wine list to speak of. And then, then he suggested we go back to his condo. Lee: Oh come on it’s not like you haven’t done that before. Francine: Not to music I haven’t. |
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Amanda: When I was married and things weren’t going so well I had this well, sexy nightgown. Penny: Did you really? Amanda: Yeah. My ex-husband liked it. So when things weren’t going so well I would put it on. And he had this concoction, this hot mulled wine and he would make it and he would bring it to bed and then things would just kind of get better. Penny: Oh Amanda. Do you know I didn’t even think to pack a sexy nightgown? Amanda: It could be better without the sexy nightgown. |
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Amand: I thought I was supposed to be undercover. Lee: You are. Why? Is anything wrong? Amanda: Oh no no no no. That was a very subtle performance you gave at the window. She thinks we’re having an oh-ho-ho. Lee: A what? Amanda: You heard me. She thinks you’re cute. Lee: I am cute. Amanda: Not that cute. |
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Amanda: So when Bo Johnson accused me of spying I felt just awful because I’m not the kind of person who spies on their friends, you know? And this relationship with Mr. Stetson was awful hard to explain. It’s really very secretive, my family doesn’t even know about it. And you know, in public when he talks to me he won’t even look at me. Looks straight ahead, won’t even look at me. You know well about last night… Penny: Amanda you can stop. Amanda: I can? Penny: Yes. I believe you. Amanda: You do? Penny: Yes and I understand. Amanda: Oh good. Penny: Look let’s get you back. Um, you can ride my horse. Amanda: No I can’t ride any horse. Penny: Yes you can he’s really gentle. He won’t give you any troubles at all. Amanda: Oh his hair! Penny: Amanda, please. Let’s just not talk about it anymore okay? I can see it’s very difficult for you. I just feel a little silly that’s all. I mean, here I am encouraging you to get something going with Mr. Stetson and you’ve been having an affair with him all along. Amanda: Huh? |
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Lee: So she thought I was cute huh? Amanda: She was under a lot of pressure. Lee: Amanda, when you are undercover it is not good proceedure to look at me until the assignment is officially over. Does the Princess know you are working with us? Amanda: No. But I had to have a reason you were outside my window the other night. Lee: What did you come up with? Amanda: I didn’t come up with anything. She did. Lee: Okay. What did she come up with? Amanda: She thinks we’re having a thing. Lee: A thing? Amanda: Eyes straight ahead Scarecrow. |
Service Above and Beyond
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Dotty: Is there somethig wrong with your ankle? You’re walking funny. Amanda: Well you know I was demonstrating the hook slide and I think I hooked the wrong way. Little League can be hazardous to your health. |
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Amanda: Oh my boys love the Quickie Chickie Snack Shack. |
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Amanda: What’s my assignment? Lee: To have a good time. Amanda: Well why didn’t you just go alone? Lee: On a Friday night at a party? Do you know how depressing that is? |
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Lee: He invited you to dinner? Billy: Doesn’t surprise me. |
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Lee: Can you believe him? I had a better line in high school. Amanda: Well you know how it is. Lee: No. Tell us. |
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Lee: If you would spend more time paying attention to what you’re supposed to be doing. Amanda: What is it I’m supposed to be doing? I’m running out of things to say to him. Lee:It didn’t sound like that to me. Look all you had to do was keep him mildly distracted while we sweep his house. And, by the way, you’re not falling for that guy’s line are you. I mean talk about obvious. Amanda: WHat line? Look. You may think Jim’s no good, but I think he’s charming and he’s sincere. Lee: Jim? Amanda: Yeah. Lee: Have you any idea how many women “Jim” has been sincere with? Amanda: I don’t believe it. Lee: Dozens. Amanda: No. You. Lee: What about me? Amanda: You’re sounding like a jealous person. Lee: I am not jea… Amanda: You have no right to act like a jealous person. Lee: What are you… Amanda: Here look, you just take this little thing, get it out of my life, go back in your truck, do whatever you’re doing, and don’t eavesdrop on me. Lee: Now wait a minute, just wait… |
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Lee: This isn’t the kitchen. I’ve been dupped. I demand to see the chef. |
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Lee: It’s way after midnight Cinderella. |
Saved by the Bells
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Francine: A lesser man may have balked at tackling a nun, but not you. |
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Lee: Come on Billy. I need a little sand, a little sun… I want to meet some women. Billy: You want to meet some…? Lee: I am a lonely man. |
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Amanda: Well I guess you called me because you know taht I’m so sensitive and sympathetic and you know… in touch with nature. Lee: You’re the only one I know that will do it. Amanda: He doesn’t even bother to lie anymore and why should he? Everybody knows you can count on good ol’ reliable Amanda. |
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Amanda: Is it legal in this state to grow penecillin? |
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Amanda: Let’s get some fresh air in here. Right fishy? |
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Billy: We’re not supposed to take this personaly. It’s our objectivity that makes us effective. Lee: Amanda is dying in my place. That’s as personal as it gets. Billy: If it were another agent would you feel the same way? Lee: I don’t know. Billy: Is there something between you and Amanda? Lee: No. Billy: Well why was she at your apartment? Lee: She was feeding my fish. Billy: This one wont be easy. Give it some time. Lee: I can’t live with this one Billy. |
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Lee: Look. She has nothing to do with this. Bad guy: Tell the big fella to keep quiet. Amanda: Quiet big fella. |
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Amanda: Now my assistant will dissarm you. Hold very still. Assistant! |
Sudden Death
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Lee: God. When I asked Billy to send me a messenger I assumed he was going to send… Amanda: …anyone but me. |
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Lee: There’s something that just, I don’t know. It bothers me so just do it okay? Amanda: Okay. I mean after all, what do I know. I’m just an assistant agent. Lee: Apprentice Agent. Amanda: Purist. Is there anything else I can do? Coach: Newcomb? Newcomb I’m looking for you! Lee: Yeah. This. Amanda: MMMPH! mmph! mmmmmm…. Coach: Excuse me Mr. Newcomb. Lee: I hope you got all you came for Mrs. King. Interview wise that is. Coach: Enjoy your work do you? Amanda: Yes. Very much. Thank you so much. I have a deadline to meet. |
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Amanda: Oh no. Not me. I like all men. I mean… well I don’t like all men. I don’t know all men. But I probably don’t even know 20 percent of the men in the… how do you like America? |
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Amanda: I’m here now aren’t I? I was listening to the cassette. I was trying to remember everything in the training manual. Look it only makes sense that if I am baking a chocolate cake and someone sticks his finger in the cake, and I want to find out who it is, I keep my eye on the cake, even though I pretend that I am not taking my eye off the cake, I never take my eye off the cake. Lee: Amanda. Amanda. Amanda:And that’s exactly what I was going when… Lee: Amanda! Amanda: Yes? Lee: Who has him? |
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Amanda: I can’t believe I spent the night in a bookie joint in a strait jacket. My mother will never believe it. |
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Dotty: Oh having a little party are you dear? You know Amanda sometimes you puzzle me. |
The Long Christmas Eve
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Amanda: Lee. Isn’t this a little sudden? Shouldn’t we talk about this? This would compromise our whole professional relationship… Lee: Amanda. Will you shut up? Please? |
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Amanda: So. That’s what you were doing. You were protecting me. Lee: Sure. What else would I be doing? Amanda: Nothing. That was very gallant of you. |
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Amanda: Are you sure you know where we’re going? Lee: Yes. Alright it’s North by Northwest of here. Where is the sun? There. So if that’s due west… Amanda: Of course you have to take into acoount the seasonal adjustment. Lee: We go that way. Amanda: Well now the sun is due west only at the equinox and we’re three days past the winter solstice… I think I better check the moss. Lee: The moss? Amanda: Yeah the moss. Well you see. You just look at a tree. You find a tree and the moss always grows on the north side. So that is the north side of the tree because moss only… Lee: Amanda! Amanda: What? Lee: Do you really think that some Micky Mouse spy course you’re taking can replace actual experience in the field? Amanda: This isn’t from one of my courses. This is from the cubscout handbook. Say what you will about the scouts, but they certainly can find their way out of the woods. North is that way. |
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Lee: Ivan and Dimitri? Oh I don’t believe this. I’m in the middle of the Brothers Karamazov. |
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Amanda: Well if you insist. Maybe just one little nip to be sociable. |
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Lee: Do you have any vermouth we could make a martini? It’s just a joke. |
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Amanda: Now you have to eat to keep up your strength. Lee: I hate beans. |
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Lee: Look. I’m sorry I got you mixed up in all this mess. Amanda: Oh that’s alright. Look how often does a suburban lady like me get to drink Vodka with the KGB and eat beans on Christmas. Lee: Speaking of Vodka. Amanda: Oh no. I really don’t think you should. Lee: For medicinal purposes. Amanda: Will you eat your beans? |
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Amanda: I would like to propose a toast. Peace on earth and good will towards men. And women. |
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Lee: Merry Christmas Amanda. Amanda: Merry Christmas Lee. |
Rememberance of Things Past
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Lee: Well here you are and drive safely. Amanda: Why don’t I give you a lift? I could drop you off. Lee: No I’ll take a cab. Amanda: Wouldn’t it be safer if I drove you? Lee: Safer? Amanda: Yes. I mean I know I can’t punch. But if anyone tried to attack you I could confuse them to death. You know I can do that. Lee: Oh that I do. And believe me when I need a black belt confuser I will call you. |
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Amanda: We know that you’re strong and brave but I’m not. I’m scared and I’m not strong and I’m not brave, so just to humor me. Would you please let me drive you home? |
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Amanda: You’re alive? You’re alive and standing right here in my family room? Oh you are! You are! Oh I’m so angry with you. Lee: What? For being alive? Amanda: No, for whatever it is you’re pulling. Whatever secret mission it is that causes this kind of deceit. |
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Amanda: I have been really upset about this. I thought I had lost a friend. And that hurts. And I was frightened too. And, uh, look I know you don’t like tears, I know they frighten you more than bullets. So I am sorry about this little scene, but you brought it all on yourself. Because it would have been totally unecessary if you hadn’t been killed, which you haven’t been. And I cared that you were dead. And I don’t care if you don’t care that I care. Lee: I do care. Really. Thank you. Amanda: You’re welcome. |
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Lee: Now this part is either incredibly convenient or incredibly awkward. Depending on your answer. Amanda: To what question? Lee: Can I stay here? Amanda: No. Lee: Look, Amanda, no one I know would never look for me here and everyone you know is out of town. So if you could just get past the psychological barrier of having me around everything would be great so where do you want me to put my things? Amanda: Guatemala. |
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Lee:Come on let’s go get something to eat, I can think better. Amanda: Now wait a minute, we just got here. Lee: Well we can leave again, now come on I get fidgety. Amanda: You’re supposed to be dead, you can’t be seen. Lee: I’m sick of being dead. I miss my apartment, I miss restaurants, I miss nightclubs. |
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Amanda: Real people do not go to restaurants and nightclubs every night. They stay home and make hamburgers and watch television. Lee: Amanda. Are you trying to make me into a real person again? Amanda: No but the exposure certainly couldn’t do you any harm. Lee: Okay, okay. Make the hamburgers. I’ll go pick us out a nice Beaujolet to go with them. Amanda: A what? Lee: Where do you keep your wines? Amanda: Well, there might be a half bottle of something or other in the refridgerator. Lee: I see. I’ll just have to add that to my list. Amanda: What list? Lee: I want you to stop by and pick up some things in my apartment in the morning. Aftershave, a couple of sweaters and a small but provocative collection of wines. |
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Lee: Are you okay? Amanda: Yeah. Sure I’m fine. Lee: Are you sure? Amanda: Yeah. Well I guess this means that you’re back to the land of the living. Lee: Right. Oh God am I glad to be back. I guess we wont be able to have those hamburgers and wine at your place, you know, like real people. Amanda: No I guess you’ll be able to go back to your fancy restaurants and nightclubs. You’re not disapointed though are you? Lee: Me? Nah. Are you? Amanda: Me? No. |
Lost and Found
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Amanda: Uh, Sir. I want to tell you that I am very grateful to you for asking me to help you with this, um, this assignment. I have one slight hesitation. And that is, well, I feel very funny working without Lee. |
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Lee: Amanda, do you have any idea how many things I have never mentioned to you? Amanda: A couple million. Lee: No. Amanda: Close though. Lee: Yeah. |
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Amanda: Right. When something’s over it’s over. Shouldn’t bother you at all. Because it is over. Isn’t it? Lee: You know, I bet those things are ready to vcome out of the dryer. Amanda: Did you notice that you just ended the conversation? |
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Lee: Hey, come on. I think we can find ourselves some mean dustbunnies behind this baby. Come on. |
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Amanda: My enthusiasm tends to fizzle around 10:30. |
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Amanda: Something about the way she looks at him. There’s just no magic. Lee: Magic? Amanda: Yeah magic. Lee: Oh yeah? Amanda: Why are you smiling? Lee: What smile? There’s no smile. Amanda: It is over, isn’t it? Lee: You know that stuff has got to be, got to be ready. Amanda: He did it again. |
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Dotty: Your Poppy seed cake is your Cistine Chapel, Amanda. No one can top it. |
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Lee: Amanda? How do you know when an affair is really over anyhow? Amanda: I don’t know. I guess you just…know. |
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Amanda: They’re a very attractive couple. Lee: They are? Amanda: Yes they are. He’s very intense, and dark and handsome. Lee: You call that handsome? Amanda: She’s interesting looking. Lee: She’s a little more than interesting looking. Amanda: Alright, maybe she’s a little more than interesting looking. |
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Lee: I was always kind of bad at these things anyway. Amanda: Oh everybody’s always kind of bad at these things. Lee: No I really am bad. Amanda: No you’re not so bad. Lee: I’m telling you I’m bad. Amanda: No you’re not. Lee: I am. Amanda: You’re not. Lee: Amanda, I am bad. Amanda: Alright you’re bad, you’re bad. |
I am not now, nor have I ever been… a spy
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Lee: Hi. Amanda: Oh my gosh! I wish you wouldn’t do that. |
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Amanda: What are yu talking about? You’ve never seen him. Lee: Amanda, I have instincts, okay? |
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Amanda: The Chilidogs? Oh, well I was out shopping and I got a little hungry and I decided to stop off and get something to eat. And I had heard that Milo’s Daffy dogs had the best Chilidogs in Washington so… Bad Guy: Mrs. King. Amanda: Yes? Bad Guy: We are not fools. Who was that man with you? Amanda: Man? Bad Guy: There are two chilidogs. Amanda: I was very hungry. |
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Amanda: That’s okay. I can take a bus. Bad Guy: Where you’re going, you don’t need a bus. |
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Amanda: Oh I’m definitely Mrs. King. |
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Dotty: Honey, don’t worry about it. I have spent many a New Years day feeling just like that. |
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Lee: Amanda, I have to talk to you. Amanda: What are you? A salesman? Lee: No. |
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Amanda: Are you telling me you’re a spy? Lee: I’ve never cared for that word really. Amanda: Oh my gosh. |
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Lee: Would it help to tell you that you’re only a trainee spy? Amanda: No. It wouldn’t help at all. |
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Lee: Do you remember Francine? Amanda: How do you do? No. Francine: Interesting. I’ve often been told I’m unforgetable. |
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Lee: Billy her mind is gone. Blewy. Zippo. Casa de Nada. |
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Amanda: You know what’s the funniest thing? I cannot remember what I had for breakfast, but I can remember this funny word. |
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Lee: You mean did we ever… Amanda: Yes. That’s what I mean. Lee: No. |
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Lee: I don’t know what I am going to do with her. Billy: Well, you just might have to terminate her. |
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Billy: The agency appreciates your sacrifice. |
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Dotty: Doctor, I know that you have other patients. Only, this is my baby we’re talking about. |
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Billy: Well I guess I better see to rounding up more of these exiles. |
Dead Ringer
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Amanda: Oh, I don’t speak whatever it is you’re speaking. |
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Lee: This isn’t a date. Amanda: I know this isn’t a date. Of course this isn’t a date. It’s just, you know, I was wondering what I was going to tell my mother when I get back half an hour later after I left for a party. |
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Francine: I’ll be sensational. I just love playing dressup. |
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Dotty: Darling. Amanda: Yes mother? Dotty: Is that the doorbell? Amanda: Yes mother. Dotty: Will you see who it is? Amanda: I’m going mother. Dotty: Amanda…. Amanda: I’m on the way mo-ther. |
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Magda: Is this your typical American House? I thought something larger. Amanda: Well it is three bedrooms with a convertible den. |
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Amanda: I am not going to lie to her anymore. Lee: Then tell her the truth. Dotty: Amanda… who’s there? Amanda: Nobody special mother. Just a defecting Hungarian refugee… she bought it. |
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Amanda: Can I just ask you one thing? Lee: What? Amanda: Are you sure they want her back. |
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Francine: Do you have any idea what is happening to that Dover Sole out in the back of my car? |
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Billy: Tell her I’m from the phone company. Amanda: Sir. I’m not lying to her anymore. Billy: Tell her I said I’m from the phone company. |
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Lee: Amanda, would I leave you if you were in danger? |
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Amanda: I don’t want to shoot anyone. Lee: You wont have to and that’s a promise. |
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Magda: You don’t find him attractive? Amanda: What? You mean feature for feature? Sure, well, he’s got nice hair. It’s not great hair, but it’s nice hair. He’s tall… straight nose…Beautiful, beautiful eyes. Pretty eyes… really…. |
The Mole
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Lee: Look, I have really had it with this whole bulgarian number, now the next guy that mentions Victor or what Billy said will be wearing this bowl of chili! You got it? |
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Lee: Davey, isn’t your ice melting over there? Davey: I’m sorry. I didn’t know you two had anything personal…. Lee: Hold it, hold it. There is nothing personal between Amanda and me. Amanda: That’s right. It’s business, just business. |
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Lee: Right. A real crumb job. |
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Lee: Billy suggested you. You do type 90 WPM, rght? Amanda: Oh yes. 90 WPM if you don’t count mistakes. |
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Lee: This guy looks like he came in second in a godzilla movie. Amanda: Yeah, or they had a very poor lunch program in those days. |
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Lee: It’s a mole. It looks like… Amanda: No, wait. I know what a mole looks like. We had one in our garden. Lee: No… Amanda: It ate all of the carrots. It’s alright Lee, I understand. It ate all of the carrots from underground so that everything looked fine from the top. Lee: No. I don’t think you do understand. Amanda: All the green leafy stalks stood up and everything looked healthy and pretty but when you tried to pick a carrot you could pull it by the stalk and pull it up and there was no carrot on the bottom. The mole had eaten… Lee: Whoa, whoa. Amanda. Another kind of mole. |
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Amanda: I have a date with a suspect? |
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Amanda: How am I going to get out of it? Lee: Are you sure you want to? Amanda: What? Lee: I thought you bought that line of his all the way. Amanda: You thought what? Lee: Was it Paris in the springtime or was it Athens? Amanda: Oh really. Lee: All that stuff women go for. Amanda: Go for?! He asked me to lunch. It was a simple lunch. You’re making it sound like I… Lee: Hey, hey. If you want to go out with a guy who has more scalps on his belt than Geronimo you be my guest. Amanda: If you didn’t want me to go all you had to do was say don’t go. Lee: And sound like I was j… |
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Lee: Look Amanda. What I’m trying to say is that we are not emotionally involved. Amanda: I know that Lee: Or anything like that. Amanda: Of course not. |
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Amanda: So what should I do? Lee: It’s your own personal time. Amanda: Is that a yes or a no? Lee: Yeah… well… Amanda: Yeah. Well I think I will. Lee: Alright. Amanda: I’m going on a date with David Benson. Lee: Terrific. Amanda: Yeah right. Lee: Terrific. Amanda: Good. I’m happy. Lee: Fine. Amanda: See you tomorrow. Lee: Good. But it was your decision! |
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Amanda: I’m more the PTA luncheon, potluck at the church type. |
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Dotty: Cleanup! They have you batting according to cleanliness and neatness. That’s nice. |
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Lee: No. I’m sorry Amanda. I pass. I am not, nor do I ever intend to be a bomber father. |
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Lee: I dropped the brownie on my toe. I think it’s broken. |
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Amanda: It’s my job. I’m just doing my job. |
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Lee: You know when you’re wrong, you’re wrong from here to Sri Lanka. |
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Lee: I have to do everything. Leave my coffe, drive the car, get shot. |
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Lee: He’s gone. Amanda: No, no. I think we’re on hold. Sir? Mr. Leader, Blue Leader, Sir? |
Savior
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Amanda: Oh the codeword thing. Rosemary? Not rosemary. Sounds like rosemary. Mrs. Marsden can you give me a little hint? No - of course you couldn’t. Rosebud? Rosebud. Rosebud!! |
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Amanda: Sir, uh… There’s somebody doing something to Lee’s desk. |
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Amanda: You’re going to be very embarassed when you hear the truth Mr. Meadows. Fielder: Fielder. Amanda: Whatever… and I’m very sorry to say that there won’t be enough apple pie to go around. |
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Amanda: There is a man here to see you and I think I better be going because I keep telling myself, and telling myself, what I’m seeing here isn’t what I’m seeing…. And I think I better leave before I don’t listen to myself anymore and I … you understand… bye. |
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Dotty: Amanda, you don’t have to thank me. When you hurt, I hurt. |
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Amanda: Machine guns? Lee that says machine guns. Lee: Hey, hey, hey. It’s not polite to read other peoples…. it was upside down…. You read that upside down! When did you learn how to do that? |
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Lee: Go home. Run a couple of loads through the spin dry. I’m expecting someone. |
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Lee: Does he wear his shades in bed too? |
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Lee: Now look, we just worked together on a few things, strictly minor league stuff. She’s a civillian. Bad guy: Well don’t be such an elitist. |
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Lee: Did you put sugar in this? Billy: I always take sugar. Lee: I never take sugar. |
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Lee: Amanda King is a civillian with two kids, a mother and a mortgage. |
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Amanda: Were you the thud that I heard? |
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Lee: You didn’t think I would be dumb enough to walk in here with a homemaker from Arlington would you? Amanda: He would never do that. |
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Amanda: I wonder why everyone ran away like that. Lee: I don’t know. Something we said you think? |
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Billy: You see we finally got a fix on your location when we picked up a report on State Police radion about some clown on top of a ladies stationwagon on Kensington Road. Lee: Clown?? Billy: Well that’s my description not their. |
The Artful Doger
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Dotty: They don’t write music you can dance to anymore. |
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Lee: Do you get your birdseed wholesale or what?? |
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Amanda: I’ll wear it on one condition. : Sure, what’s that? Amanda: You’ll have to explain it to my mother. |
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Lee: Amanda, do you know what that is? Amanda: Yes. It’s a freindship ring. Lee: No. It’s a concubine ring. Amanda: No, it isn’t. Lee: It’s a concubine ring. There’s a whole collection of them in the Topkepi museum. Amanda: I know that. It was given to me by a friend, therefore, it is a friendship ring. |
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Amanda: Excuse me sir, what is a PEWAC? |
Filming Raul
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Amanda: If you’ll give me just a moment I’ll.. I’ll collect my thoughts. Francine: Oh great. Well why don’t we all meet back here, say a week from next Tuesday. |
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Amanda: I don’t know how to drive a stick-shift. Lee: No kidding. |
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Amanda: Look Lee. I know that film is very important to you. And you are playing a wonderful director. But Philip and Jamie and mother are at home. And those men have my registration with my address on it. I… Lee: Amanda, your home is surrounded. Amanda: My home is surrounded? Who is surrounding it? Lee: The good guys. That’s the first phone call I made. Amanda: It was? Lee: So relax huh? Billy has an APB out on the car and you didn’t really want this salad did you? Amanda: No I… Lee: I didn’t think so. |
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Dotty: You are making a mistake Amanda. A man does not respect a woman that he can call on a whim. Amanda: It isn’t what you think mother. Dotty: You’re seeing a man aren’t you? These burning passions, midnight assignations - they don’t work. Amanda: Mother it’s only 8:30. Dotty: I cannot manage your life for you. I mean maybe you’re entitled to a meaningless affair. Something passionate and fiery with no future. Amanda: Maybe I am. I’ll be back in a hour. Dotty: An hour! Oh… one of those. |
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Francine: You realize I have never done suburban frump before. Ah! Oh ho. how’s this? Billy: You don’t think the scarf is overkill? Francine: Oh no - it covers up the rollers. You know rollers are the hallmark of the middle American homemaker. It’s a… it’s like a club badge or something. |
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Amanda: You know my mother thinks I’m involved in some kind of clandestine love affair. Lee: Your mother should know you better than that. Amanda: Why? Lee: Why? Because you’re not the type, that’s why. Amanda: Well I don’t know how you could say that my mother should know me better than that. I mean you never can tell who’s the type for what. I mean I’m not the type to be a spy but look at me. I mean you never… you never really can tell what a person would do under certain… Lee: It’s a local patrol car passing us. This looks much more natural. Amanda: Oh. This is much more natural. Lee: Yeah. |
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Amanda: I did everything you told me to. I stayed right here. Lee: Well that’s a refreshing change. |
Fearless Dotty
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Dotty: I don’t know why you work for a company that won’t give you office space. I mean you’re never going to meet anyone working at home. Amanda: Mother I don’t want to meet anyone right now. Dotty: Amanda, that doesn’t make any sense. How can you not want to meet someone you’ve never even seen? |
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Dotty: This used to be a wonderful place to eat before they started serving wine. |
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Francine: What happened to you? Amanda: I was mugged. Lee: You were what? Amanda: I was mugged. In the middle of the street in broad daylight. Lee: Well that’s terrible. Francine: That’s funny. The same thing happened to me just last week I was outside the airport making a surveilance pass and all of a sudden I felt this big arm lock around my neck from behind. Amanda: What did you do? Francine: I spiked his instep with my heel, thumbed his eyesockets, pressed me forearm against his larnyx and then brought up my knee in a lifting motion. Amanda: I just screamed. Francine: Hmm…. so did he. |
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Amanda: I was mugged by a famous person? |
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Lee: What is it? Amanda: Drought Cycles of Burma. Lee: Your favorite book was the Drought Cycles of Burma? |
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Dotty: Am I dry yet? |
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Amanda: Well I wish I could ask you in for a piece of cake. Lee: Uh, just save me a piece. Amanda: I will. |
Weekend
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Lee: Just be yourself, Amanda. Amanda: Huh. Just be myself. Lee: Only not too much. |
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Lee: This weekend, you’re Mrs. Lee Stetson. |
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Lee:What are you looking for? Amanda: My room. Lee: This is your room. Amanda: Then where is your room? Lee: It’s also my room. It’s our room. Amanda: Oh no. Lee: Amanda, I’m going to take a quick look around while you’re dressing for dinner. Amanda: Oh no. It’s too early for dinner it’s only 5:15. Lee: We have to be down in the lobby before 6 o’clock. Amanda: Oh. Okay. Well don’t you think we should discuss the accomodations? Do you know what I’m talking about? There aren’t enough. Accomodations. Lee: Later. OK? Amanda: How much later? Lee: Later. Amanda: Later means never. |
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Lee: Great Newlyweds. The way that woman talks it will be all over the hotel. Why didn’t you pick a number 2 years, 3 years? Amanda: Why didn’t you pick the number 2years, 3years? Lee: Because it is not a question for a man to answer. Amanda: A man can answer the question as well as a woman. Lee: Just shoosh. Amanda: Don’t shoosh me. |
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Amanda: Is it absolutely necessary? Lee: Of course it is. It’s our cover. Amanda: Right… it’s part of our cover. |
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Lee: Well I talked to his wife earlier. She was working on her suntan or her lifegaurd. It was a toss up. |
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Lee: Amanda. You know you’re not being compromised. Amanda: I know that. (Slap of purse) It’s a matter of National security. |
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Lee: It’s surveilance. It’s not an assignation. |
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Lee: Amanda, a roll away bed on our honeymoon? |
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Amanda: She was very tall, very pretty, very blonde, very sort of everything. |
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Amanda: Are you sure you don’t want to follow her? Lee: Sweetheart. We’re newlyweds. |
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Billy: I looked up and there was this guy hanging from a helicopter. Had to be you. |
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Lee: You forgot your toothbrush. |
Waiting for Godorsky
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Amanda: Mother this is a mansion. People who live in mansions don’t have garage sales. Dotty: This is an estate sale. People who have estates have estate sales. |
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Francine: She may have forgotten the password. It has happened you know. Lee: Now why didn’t I think of that. |
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Amanda: Well I have a pretty logical mind. Lee: Yeah you do. At one time or anothers. |
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Lee: Are you absolutely sure? Amanda: Prety sure. I’m fairly positve. I would say it sounded like the sound… and yes I’m pretty sure. |
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Dotty: Amanda, I have the distinct impression that somethig is very, very wrong. Amanda: Wrong? Dotty: Wrong. Amanda: What could be wrong? |
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Francine: Well look who remembered the password. Amanda: No, actually I didn’t. Someone must have spoken to Mrs. Marsden. She just short of looked disgusted and waved me on through. |
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Dotty: I wish you would make up your mind Howard. You know I’m doing much better than I did yesterday. Yesterday you told me I was getting to close to those cars on the right. Now I’ve corrected that. Howard: Yes but now you’re driving down the middle of the road. |
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Lee: What are you thinking about? Amanda: I think I’m going to share this with my mother, because I don’t think she’s ever going to get her license. |